My hand on your side, your eyes closed, I brushed the hair from your face gently, as not to wake you. Your face, as beautiful as its always been, was peaceful. Nights like these I know that all that matters is this… you, next to me in the silence, needing nothing else.
What’s the phrase? What a difference a year can make…
Tonight, I realized it has been 364 days. A year ago, we were here for the first time. You, next to me, your breath, your skin, your voice, your eyes – every detail as vivid to me now as it was then. Although hesitantly, out of silence, we had found everything in each other. A world untouched by you and I and untouchable by anyone else. Did I mention her eyes…? They told me everything. They told me that what I had always believed in was real… love – still – exists.
And even now, in the eye’s reflection of love itself, it still exists but changes… But where are we now?
What is it that pushes us to speak and do things to sustain such an amazing thing that never needed pushing in the first place? We fill the space with words, expectations, doubt, and fear – and the fear of what? For myself, it’s the fear of the death of belief in love, do you follow me? The belief that this emotion, that exists inside of all of us, is stronger than anything else we can fathom and has the unimaginable power to make everything possible. The belief that it exists, if we believe… She even told me herself ‘I believe in believing’. She’s like that. If ever a person embodied love, in all of it’s complex beauty, it’s her.
So, who are we to destroy a gift that the universe conspired to bring to us?
We are always looking for more, always unsatisfied. If love is everything, shouldn’t everything be enough? Everything has happened to create each moment. Everything has happened to lead us to each other… We tend to talk too much, expect too much, doubt and fear too much. Why do I bring these up again? I know them all too well…
I mean, we don’t really ‘try’ to fall in love, right?
When you fall fast, you learn a lot of things on the way back up and back to reality. We compare what we have built up in our imagination to be love, to our re-emerging reality. When words get in the way, we bring in misunderstanding. When expectations get in the way, we bring in disappointment. When doubt arises, we bring in mistrust. And when fear comes in, we build walls that block love.
To have love in the palm of your hand and no faith in it, diminishes everything.
To realize love is as real as you believe it to be, is everything.
Believe – have faith in the silence that brought you there in the first place, for it can bring you back… I believe, I hope she does too…
I live to bring back that look in your eyes, love – still – exists.
I will not give up…
I love you, always.