“You’re no fun anymore.”
“You’ve lost it.”
“You’re not the same.”
“You’ve lost your edge.”
Whenever my friends are happy, no matter what the cause may be, my heart sings with happiness for THEM. My heart is not singing because I benefit from their happiness in any way, but because that is what friendship is about. Seeing your loved ones happy should be cause for you to feel the same. Unfortunately, this is not the society that we live in. We live in one that tells us that if someone is taken and you’re still single, then YOU did something wrong. YOU are the reason that you’re single. Bruh, that shit has NOTHING to do with you! Take yourself out of the situation. You’re beating yourself up because you’re single, and with that you’re damaging your current friendship. Telling someone that they have changed because they are in a relationship is like waking up and acknowledging that it is a new day. No one stays the same in a relationship.
Before joining the “taken” world, I was single for ten years. In those ten years, I dated a lot of assholes (I touched on a few of them in my last blog). But the majority of my time was spent going out with my friends and having an AMAZING time – be it at concerts, indie shows, or just art gallery shows. I was never home. I didn’t have any one particular person that took up the majority of my time, so I mostly did what I wanted.
When you’re single (and not really looking), there is a freedom of being that most people don’t get to experience. I am so grateful that I took time to do what I wanted, when I wanted, wherever I wanted. Thanks to these experiences while being single, I had the opportunity to figure out what I wanted in life and from a relationship. I was able to figure out what was acceptable behavior to accept (and what wasn’t) from significant others. All of this led up to my current relationship.
I am happy. I spend my time watching TV series on marathon and hanging out with my dog until it’s time to drive to Charlotte (unless he is coming to Atlanta). I don’t feel the need to “peacock” at events and seek the attention of others. I have the attention of the only person that I desire it from. It used to bother me when people told me I changed, but now I am kind of proud of it. I would rather evolve into a loving union with someone than be in constant confusion over who is going to be my new flavor of the month.
So have I changed? Sure, but I don’t deny myself the things that I want to do. A lot of the time, what turns me off from hanging with my friends ARE my friends. No one wants to be around somebody that is bitter about being single. I never was. I LOVED it. I know that we are not all built the same or react the same to the idea of relationships, but constantly reminding people that they are “no fun” anymore isn’t exactly the best way to get them to join you on an outing or a kick back.
I wrote too much. What I am saying is don’t be a bitter bitch (whether you’re male or female). Be a friend. A happy friend begets a happy friend.