What a wonderful delectable this is. Fucking little bitty ass bears, looking all cute and cuddly and delicious in their gelatin-esque state. As we further examine the bag of goodness, we see the multi-colored arrangement which was clearly selected individually based on which color would look the nicest by the other. The true magic comes when you bite off the head of thine tiny baby bear (because secretly we all wish we were 50 foot monsters who bit off the heads of anyone who come in the way of our monsterdom). You can’t help but marvel in one of nature’s many mysteries…how can the green one’s taste just like the red ones? Everyone knows the color red and green typically taste different, but no, gummy bears defy logic (oh…well, I guess m&m’s get an honorable mention…though I’ve convinced myself the blue one’s taste different, because I voted for that as a new color in the 90’s). And holy shit, do my tastebuds deceive me? These bears are not only delicious and gummy…but coated with sugar!!! If I wasn’t immortal, I’d say that this can’t be good for me, but since I am, I’m going to dive into the bag and swim around in them until I fall into a coma. Mmmmmm…coma so relaxing. I love you sugar coated gummy bears, and I will forever and ever.
Okay, I see you are a bit confused with my love for gummy goodness. I was trying to prove a point. You see, I fall hard when I like something. I look at every positive and almost get lost in it. This causes the left side of my brain to swirl with the right side and create something that is equivalent to strawberry slushy. For you see good people…I have a condition of the heart. I’ve been diagnosed as an incurable HOPELESS ROMANTIC.
I can’t help it people and I know that it’s because I’m the God of Love and all. I mean…I fucking love, LOVE! The very thought of it makes me all happy and shit, but I’m a thug so I have to hide it (the eye patch helps). I know that I am not alone in this as evident by the many of you lot that ask me for guidance on a daily basis. The problem is this world really isn’t suited for people like me and you these days. A true hopeless romantic will get chewed up and spit out in this cold world. Trust me, I’ve seen it. Ugly shit mate.
So, what is a hopeless romantic? I swiped this from the most reliable source on the interwebs…Urban Dictionary. Ahem…It reads as follows:
”Hopeless Romantics are NOT Hopeless per-say, but very true, caring, and loving people. They are “NOT MADE FOR TODAYS STANDARDS”, sadly. They believe in passion, chivalry, and true love. They have loved sincerely at one point in their life, discovered what love feels like, and can’t understand why it was not returned in the same form. Hopeless Romantics are usually dreamers, idealists, and sincere, however what they expect in any relationship is a full return for their effort and caring, to be loved as much as they loved. What makes them “Hopeless” is the fact that they are few and far between in today’s daily life, and usually get let down in the long run, even though they gave all they had to give, money, love, time, housing, belongings. Hopeless Romantics give 100% ALL the time, and hope for the same in return.”
Did that sound like you? Well I can’t say it’s fully me, and that is because these womens (I know I wrote it wrong but I likes it likes that…see I did it again, comedy at it’s finest) love me and my chubby cheeks. And maybe I persuade them with 9mm feelings but don’t judge me and how I run my operation. I know how hard it is on you human people to gauge how much these people we love are into us, especially if you are a romantic. The optimism in you will not let you believe otherwise.
I guess I’m asking you this. True you love them, and you see all of the great in them. But sit back and think of all of those negatives. Hell, write them shits down. Now if the negatives outweigh the positives…then you may need to re-evaluate some shit. As a romantic we tend to think everyone is the one…but that’s why it’s called “the one”. There is one amazing person for you that makes you feel whole. Why block that with someone that isn’t reciprocating. In a weird way, both parties are holding each other back from happiness. Don’t lose your romantic ways…just dedicate them to someone who feels the same way is all I’m saying.
I was thinking about all the love I had for these little bears *pops another one*, but now…my teeth hurt. I’m sure it’s a cavity. Plus I haven’t eaten today, so now my tummy is hurting. Plus they are getting stuck in my teeth making my mouth look like a rainbow. Maybe I don’t love them as much as I thought…maybe that fruit salad over there is better for me. Chunks, and chunks of delicious nutrients. I think I’m in love. Take us outta here Al. Later people.
*Comic courtesy of xkcd.com…funny shit mate