What’s up human folks? J Double here. Huh? Fuck you mean you don’t know who J Double is? It’s Jeff…ya’know J double F, Jeff. Learn to spell dammit. If you still don’t know who the hell I am, click here and get acquainted with the coolest mu’fucka you’ll ever meet. Nobody not be acquainted.
Fuck all that though. If you haven’t read the tale above yet, do it right now. This was some true to life shat that just happened. Cupid owed me on a bet where I told him we wouldn’t get evicted (sure I got the money on the day before we were to be tossed out, but it got got. All I had to do was DJ at this 5 year old’s birthday party. Note to parents out there…lil kids get real hype when you say “throw yo mutha’fuckin hands up if you watch Spongebob and eat confetti fun frosted flakes…at the SAME DAMN TIME!).
Where the fuck was I? Oh yeah…so for my winnings, I wanted to have a girl chill with me and pick at my belly button lint (Don’t knock it til you try it my dude). This is where your loser friend being the fucking God of Love seems to have it’s advantages (it’s also pretty good for getting us a free apple pies with our orders at McDonalds. Girls just can’t say no to blondie’s baby smooth booty ass).
Now I’m sitting here typing to you guys, as this girl digs at my bottomless lint trap of a belly button because she loves me. The shit is, I know without C, I wouldn’t have been able to get this girl. Course I don’t give halfs a shit, but it did have me thinking. Why are the women creatures so quick to dismiss a charming gent such as myself, especially if you are asking for it? Yeah, asking for it I said. I’ll explain…
I feel that if you want to flaunt something right in front of me…it’s like saying “NO Jeffery, of course this is a buffet, but you can’t have any…just look. I don’t care if you’re hungry”. That shat just selfish! Like, ladies…can you just meet me in the middle? If you guys don’t want that attention, why must you advertise it so? You put on the shirt with all the titty meat exploding from every side and get mad when I just acknowledge it with long stares with no blinks (that time I didn’t blink for 12 minutes, I felt that the girl should have taken that as a compliment). Or you guys put on those peep toe heels knowing that…I just wanna jump on the ground and lick yo baby toe nail polish off…I’m just saying.
I found this video from someone who shares my sentiments, the late Patrice O’Neal. We all just have to compromise, women people, and us guys will be a lot less creepy. All of us don’t look like a movie star and if you are trying to attract them, you damn sure gonna have to run across at least 14 of us regular fuckers in the process. Just don’t make us feel like stanky boo boo in the process is all I’m saying. We got feelings too and half of these guys mean well (not me…I’m literally not shit). Just remember, some of us have fuckin Cupid ready to change your mind and who knows…could be the best thing to happen to you. You heard it here from J Double…go a notch below your standards and you’ll get treated like a queen. Nobody not wanna be treated like a queen.
R.I.P. Patrice O’Neal (December 7, 1969 – November 29, 2011)