What she needs
I am a being of limitless love…but weirdly I know how this can this be viewed as bad. When I sit here…with my thoughts, trying to drown away emotions that I have no control over, I feel like I am able to listen to rational reasoning. This makes no sense huh? Let me put it into perspective. Sometimes, people not wanting to let go, in fear of someone’s love not being there, is the worst type of love ever. It is destructive and selfish. “How dare you string me along. How could you? Why don’t you love me like I love you?” are the typical sayings launched at the troubled lover. It is especially soul searing when the one hurt doesn’t verbalize it… it’s just said…with their eyes.
Are these people the bad guys…am I the bad guy, for having a hand in these people who only seem to have been grazed by the love bullet? Yes, is the simple answer, because no one deserves to be strung along for something that seemingly will ultimately fail. The thing is, we have to take a step back and think about this…from the other side…the side of the “villain”.
Being the God of Love, having one fall completely head over heels in love is nothing more than a simple *snap* of the fingers for me. Yet even I find it overwhelming the feelings that rush over me when I am barraged with the feelings of my scorned loves. With that said, I can only imagine what you humans are going through.
This was all brought up after sitting with a guy today who was cursing my name. He was a “villain”. All he knew is that he had no answers as to why he could not be what she needed. He had all the symptoms of someone in love…
“Cupid! I think about her throughout the day constantly, She makes me smile effortlessly and is just amazing. So when she asks me ‘What are we’ why don’t I know what to say?” He honestly seemed lost. So I shot him in the arm…twice, close range.
“I don’t think it worked…I still feel the same. I care about her immensely, but I can’t answer why I am not able to give myself completely to her”. I ask the guy if he has other girls…
“No man, hell, I don’t even know how I got her. I know all she wants is a commitment, but I just can’t and it hurts dude”. I look him in his eyes. The intensity is real…this boy really cares about this girl but doesn’t have any answers for his situation. I get up and begin to walk away…then without turning I scratch my ass…then I pee. I then tell him he’s going to lose her. I hear the tear drop. I’m not one to call anyone a sissy so still looking away to the sky I ask him if he’s afraid to lose her then why is it so impossible to give her something concrete…just a commitment.
“Because I can’t right now. If I do…I just know I’m going to end up hurting her. At least this way she has the option to deal with me or not. I’m just not ready to give myself completely. If she could wait until I was better then I think…shit, know that I could get it together. I’ve done this before…rushed into stuff and clearly it’s ended badly. I just need to make sure it’s right. It’s great, but it’s not right yet. I must work on me, but I want her to be there and understand, but if she can’t then it’s something I must deal with.”
I hear a tear drop…oh wait…that’s me…just a dot of residual pee…sorry…bottled juices are delicious. I shake it off (three shakes…more than five and that’s wanking) and tell the boy that he isn’t wrong, but in the eyes of the world he would be viewed as so. From what he said I let him know that he does indeed love her…the problem is he doesn’t love HIMSELF enough. I tell him to start there and everything will fall into place.
So does this story eventually have a happy ending? I can’t call it. The guy did buy me a drink for my advice, so I mean I count it as a victory. I know that many of you have similar situations. Sometimes instead of placing blame we need to see that maybe someone we want to label as “villain” may just be an unguided hero. It’s not for us to guide them…they have to workout their story. I’m not even saying wait for them…we just have to know that some people come into our life for a season…but some…some…come in and stay forever. If you feel that they are here forever then listen to the signs. Even if they are here for a season (and I don’t mean just three months.. I mean any distance of time you now) then they came there for a reason…to help let you grow in some shape or fashion in your journey. Embrace each, but never judge if possible.
That’s about it. Take from that shit what you will.