A year from now you will wish you had started today.

-Karen Lamb

That’s exactly what I told myself yesterday, before I finally evened a subtle score with Jeff. His reign of terror over the delicious baking have finally come to an end. Now that I look back, I don’t know why I waited so long. Coming home after a long day of Matrix-esque love sniping action one day last year, all I wanted to do was get my little chubby fingers on some sour donut fruit chocolate bites…with lime. Upon opening the cabinet I saw no delicious baking…I saw a post-it note, with pubic hair stuck to the sticky part (it was blonde so I’m sure this was reused from being on my winky. What can I say, we’re broke yet resourceful here mate). The note read this:

Yeah, I tuk the bakeing little biccchhhh!!! I owe u one tho.


I wanted then and there to beat the unholy fuck out of his dumb ass. But a cooler head prevailed. I thought that was letting him off way too easy. He was expecting the backlash…at least for a week. I had to wait. It had to be perfect.

That time came today, as I saw that the subject I had to touch on today was about change. I didn’t really know what to write about, so I thought some delicious bakings would kick my mind into overdrive. I then went to the cabinet…and they were gone…again. This time not even a note. Jeff had grown accustomed to me not worrying about it. I had thought for a year on how great and awesome my sneak attack would be and imagined the sheer satisfaction I would have seeing him understand that I was his 2 1/2 ft superior. While all this was great, I noticed I had officailly become a victim to something that plauges the world heavily.

So right then and there, I took a sip of tea, then knocked on Jeff’s door. He opened the door…I threw the tea right in his bloody fucking face and lunged foward full speed into his stomach. I punched him hard as fuck 47 times with both fists in his jiggly gut…he farted…this angered me more as I combined for a sweet uppercut that dislodged his tooth. As I landed before him, I went for extra style points by catching him and breaking his back over my knee…just like Bane did Batman. I then jumped on his stomach and repeatedly stabbed him with newly sharpened arrows, which I followed up with a backflip that let me ease my pistols out smoothly as I shot him in both of his eyes and then he tried to say something so BAM, bullet in his damn mouth! As he lay there…I tried to think of something clever to say…then it hit me…

 You should’ve used the Pythagorean theorem…bitch.

I didn’t quite know what it meant myself but it sounded pretty cool.

So, what does all that mean? Well, I had been sitting on thoughts for ages knowing that if I just acted on them that my life would be better. Even if it wasn’t better, it would give me satisfaction knowing that I was more than all talk. Too many times, we see people who want to do things…amazing things, but don’t in fear of the unknown. Everyday I hear what people want to do, but don’t. I can’t have you lot becoming like that. If there is something you want to do…today is the day. Not tomorrow! There are no excuses! Every second you wait, you are actually going further away from your destiny. As I sat there and wondered what the perfect payback for Jeff would be, he walked around…not paid back…which left me in turn with no delicious baking. I bet I have baking tomorrow and from here on out.

With all of this said, there has been something that we here at Loveless have been putting off for awhile. Nothing too serious, but it does require the site to take a brief hiatus. We want to give you guys the best of us, so starting tomorrow (7-26-2112) we will be doing a bit of maintenance on the site. Hopefully we are up by next Wednesday, if not it’ll be soon, promise. We’ve kept our promise of never missing a Loveless Wednesday and we definitely love that you guys keep coming back to check it out. But change is needed to make things even better. So no more thinking about what we want to do, it’s now time to take action. See you lot soon. Let me take Jeff to the hospital. Don’t worry he heals pretty fast.

-Loveless Cupid

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